Its a LOVELY DAY!

Rejoice!

Lovely Day has reopened.
After being closed for an entire year due to a fire in the building, its back in business slingin' awesome Thai to the masses.
I'm so happy about life right now.....if only we could get my beloved Teany to reopen.
Be still my beating heart. One miracle at a time.

Just call me Macaroni Toni

I don't know what it is about Mac and Cheese that makes people so happy.
Little kid and full grown adults go CRAZY for a bowl of mac and cheese.

I guess having S'mac, the East Village eatery dedicated to the stuff, just wasn't enough; so the good folks at Cafeteria and Delicatessen seem to be putting the finishing touches on Mac Bar.



Wedged in between McKnally bookstore and the already-open Delicatessen, Mac Bar is rumoured to be dishing out 12 unique varieties of Mac and Cheese.
While Delicatessen is a depository for douche bags with so-so cuisine, I hope the comfort food at Mac Bar will be well-worth the trouble of fending the lame and drunken masses.


The first week of July is the tentative date for the opening.
Mark your calendars Gluttons.....I sure did!
And stay tuned for a full-on Food Porn Review

Sound Trackin': Marie Antionette

Even if this were a silent film, Marie Antoinette would still be one of my favorite films.
The visuals alone are cavity-inducing-amazingness!!

The Pastries
The Champagne
The Hair
The Clothes
The Foot Rubs
The Glorious Excess of It All.....

In this scene, Sofia Coppola chose "Fools Rush In" by Bow Wow Wow to capture delightful and heady Morning-After Feeling.
The magical rush of butterflies taking over the tummy.
Sublime, to say the least.





PS: I love how everyone in Versailles spoke English!!

New Reasons for Living

Hey Snobbers,

So I been semi uninspired of late. And as I'm sure you've noticed haven't posted anything recently. Since I've started this blog, I've encountered a steady stream of supporters/whip-crackers telling me "You need to update your blog" or asking "When are you gonna write something new?"

For anyone who really knows me you know that:

A) I'm lazy

B) This blog is a labour of love...emphasis on labour

and

C) I'll NEVER blog simply for the sake of blogging.

Blogging for the sake of blogging and, for that matter, doing anything without the true motivation or inspiration produces half-assed shit. And I ain't never been about half-assin' it, except, maybe when it comes to sex.... Just kidding.

As a Cultural Critic, I feel that too often people "create" without possessing any real love for what they do. And without love, there is no respect for the craft. Hence, people will stamp their names on any-old shit-in-a-box and keep it moving.

Well there will be none of that here at Critique de Culture, where we blog with integrity and put our heart and souls into each tiny morsel of hate and snobbery.

With that being said here are my new reasons for living:

Reason #1

MOMA's Atlantic Pacific Installation

The good folks at the Museum of Modern Art have bestowed on us lucky Brooklynites reproductions of over 50 pieces of art to be plastered all over the Atlantic Ave/Pacific trainstation.

Check out this adorable excerpt from their mission statment:.

"We know you’re moving at warp speed to get from here to there, but take a
breath and take a look. We hope what you see in the station changes the way you
see the world today, if only for a moment. And it’s a reminder that the real
MoMA is only a short ride away."

How amazing is that?!? Now I get to enjoy the works of Kara Walker, Vincent van Gogh, Jackson Pollack, Picasso, and Roy Lichtenstein while I wait for that 2 train that will never come.

Reason #2
This Why You're Fat.com

Dubbed as the place "Where Dreams Become Heart Attacks", this website features the most gluttonus, artery-clogging, bulemia-inducing delicacies to ever grace the earth.

Feast your eyes upon the Bacon Cheeseburger with Chocolate covered Bacon

Gravy Covered Pizza

or the Spaghetti Meatball on a stick

Strands of cooked spaghetti worked into a meatball, dipped in dough, deep-fried, then topped with marinara sauce

For my Ramen lovers, get into the Romellette, an omlet made with Ramen noodles.


YUMM!!!

Reason #3

The scaffolds are coming down at Topshop!!

Rejoice Retail Whores, the Brits are (finally) coming!!

Eating Down Bottom

This is how you know that you're below the Mason Dixon Line......

This is a steak...... wrapped in Applewood Bacon.

Well maybe steak isn't your thang....The Lard Innovators over at The Golden Corral also serve Chicken Breast wrapped in Bacon. Or if you're really ballin' outta control, pop some champagne with your Grilled Pork Loin, you guessed it, wrapped in Bacon.

It even has its own commercial....that plays regularly on TV.

Am I the only grossed the Eff-out and hella confused right now??

Say 'Hello' to heartburn and Git Some at The Golden Corral

O is for Orgy or Orgasm or Something Like That...

So since the recession kicked in

(Though I was broke long before that...)

nothing makes my poor little heart happier

than Balthazar's Bakery.

I know what you're thinking what does food have to do with fixing one's economic status? ...Well nothing at all actually. But nothing takes my mind off of depressing shit quite like their

sugar-laden treats.

So gratifying are these delicacies and so frequent are my boughts of depression, that I've become a regular at Balthazar's Bakery. The entire staff and I are on a first name basis, they know exactly what I order (Small Vanilla tea w/ 2 cubes of ice and a Banana Pecan doughnut, Please), and they also occaisonally look out toss an extra goody or two in my bag.

The benches outside of Heaven, I mean Balthazar. Banana Pecan Doughnut!!

God Bless Them!

So for this issue of food porn, I had to do Balthy's justice. I couldn't simply post a picture without a brief summary of this splendid love affair. Balthazar's know how to treat a lady: Give her something to sip on, shower her with sweets and make her forget all about her troubles.

And for this reason and so many more, Balthazar's gets

the Food Porn Big O for its Orgy of epicurious pleasures.

FOOD IS THE NEW PORN!

K is for Kettle Corn

Seriously, I have a problem. Everytime I see this gourmet kettle corn, I HAVE to buy it.

If a store sells this, I think its a sign from Up Above.

So I Carpe the Diem and buy it every time.....EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME!!

PRAY FOR ME.

FOOD IS THE NEW PORN

C is for Chick-Fil-A

Nothing says American Glutton like Fried Chicken and Biscuits!

Lust worthy to say the least!!

PS : WATCH THE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES TONIGHT!!

C is for Cookie

Food is the new porn.

Don't ya just love gentrification!!!

How lucky are we to have gentrification???
After months of me and my boyfriend complaining that there are no good restaurants in his Bed Stuy hood, look what the gods hath bestowed upon us.....



Peaches Market has just opened it doors for business on the corner of Lewis and Decatur to much hype. I don't know how this one got by me for soo long. The pre-opening was heralded on such websites as Eater, Brownstoner, and Time Out New York.

The restaurant owned by Craig Samuel and Ben Grossman, the duo behind Fort Greene's Lil Pig and The Smoke Joint, will feature American cuisine with a Southern 'twang. With such goodies as Baby Back Ribs, Barbequed French Fries and Cornmeal Crusted Trout, I'm sure the historically African American Bed Stuy will flock to Peaches Market right after their Sunday church services.


But my people lets not forget that Gentrification is a double edged sword. Yes, we get nice new places to eat and what not, but I can hear that rent going through the roof as I type!!
Buy, my people Buy!!! Renting is a trick of the devil. Owning is the only way to keep what we have worked so hard for!!
....With that being said, my reservation for 2 is all set. ...What?!?! Everybody needs to eat!! And Lord knows I can't do Crown Fried Chicken no mo!!!

Peep the Menu

In case you were hungry....

No, you're eyes are not decieving you people. BBQs is offering:

• 2 Soups
• 2 Rotisserie 1/2 Chickens
• 2 Cornbreads
• 2 Potatos or Rice

ALL FOR $9.99

And yess, i took this picture on the train. KLASSY, WITH A K!!

....Devil doth thou tempt me??

Haring reBorn

Strolling down the Bowery tonight, on the way to Whole Foods of course, I stumbled across this artsy throwback
This is an original mural by Keith Haring still in the damn wall !!!
How amazing is that?!?! One could only pray to have that kind of artistic impact on the world.

If you don't know about Mr. Haring, READ SOMETHING DAMMITT!
If you're practicing unprotected sex GET SOME CONDOMS
And you can thank the Deitch Project for this throwback.

By the way those weren't chocolate chips....

Well it seems like their bad business practices have come home to roost and The Department of Health just wasn't havin' it!!



The Cake Man Raven "bakery" (we'll discuss that title bakery in a few...) of Fort Greene Brooklyn has been closed by the DOH. The "bakery" famous for long lines, bad service and sometimes Red Velvet Cakes, was closed last Wednesday due to, according to Cake Man aka Raven Patrick De'Sean Dennis III, "a mixup with permits" (ie: shady).
But according to a follow up that was conducted by New York Magazine, the DOH released this statement:

Cake Man Raven was closed following a routine inspection on Wednesday, January 9, 2008. The inspection revealed that Cake Man Raven was using an un-permitted commercial kitchen to prepare some of the food they were selling. In addition, fresh mice droppings were observed and cakes were not stored at the proper temperatures to prevent spoilage. In order to reopen, Cake Man Raven must rectify the violations and contact the Health Department to schedule a re-opening inspection.

Shady, trifling, just plain ole bad business!!
Unfortunately I'm not surprised that Cake Man got caught out there. He is not the greatest business man and I'm shocked that he has been open as long as he has.
Personally, I've had many run-ins with this alleged "bakery" and found them to be simply ridiculous and severely lacking in honesty and customer service (Don't tell people the cakes are being iced when ya damn well know there's no cake in the entire building!!)

For more of the testimonies of this "bakery" check out its customer review on Citysearch...all 23 of them

Gimme Some MO......MA

So i finally made it out to see the Seurat Drawings exhibit at MOMA yesterday...damn near a whole 2 months after I initially set out on my journey.
And while Seurat was an amazingly prolific artist; He created a shitload of these amazing pieces


And While he is a technical genius; Seurat did 'studies'(smaller detailed works) before all of his large canvas pieces. Most of them using the Conte Crayon and Michallet paper as the medium of choice.

Study


Large Canvas Piece

(Note the study figure is featured in the center of Bathers at Asniers.)

...Unfortunately I really wasn't able to sink my teeth into the works as I originally had hoped. For at the Museum yesterday there was an over abundance of this creature, so native to museums, exhibits, concerts and other cultural happenings....
Old White People.


No don't get me wrong, I am by no means racist, but Old White People have a tendency to move at an alarming slow rate and due to poor vision, get really close to the paintings taking all the good viewing space, therefore rendering you to the perimeter of any feasible viewing distance.

Now, While i realise that they probably contribute the majority of the funds that support museums...they don't have to hog all the good space like that!! Come on Son!!

...so Whatever. My Travel companions and I decided to mosey on down to Cafe 2 where we took a break (ie: 5 mins for art & 40 mins for Food) and sipped on delicious earl grey tea (hello free refils...get into it!) and nibbled on gourmet treats.
By far the star of the day was Danny Meyer the executive chef behind Cafe 2, Terrace 5 and The Modern, the trio of delicacies that are housed in the MOMA.

I ordered this lovely number
.. known as Affogato. Its an Italian dessert that combines Vanilla Gelato and Hot Espresso. I know what you're thinking, that just equals brown soupy/goo..
Quite the contrary, the consistency of the gelato holds up against the heat of the espresso yielding a softer gelato and a great dessert to add to your rotation.
It's super easy to make and a great way to impress dinner guests.

So next time you can't keep up with all of the hustle and bustle of museums, chill out take breather, and get something to eat.
PS: they also have wine and great imported beers...major plus!!

Turckey holocaust: American style

so its thanksgiving today. clearly things have gotten off to a rough start, seeing as i'm sober right now. but bigger than all of that, my obsession for the past couple of days has turned to specific culinary delicacy....

No, not that snooty bird... her skanky mutt cousin, TurDuckIn

yes, turduckin and she's not an urban legend she's real yo, but her past is kinda shady.

this culinary cross-breed is a turkey, stuffed with a duck, which is then stuffed with a chicken. all the aforementioned birds are partially deboned and between each layer is a smearing of sausage meat, ya know to keep things together.




The exact origin of the Turduckin is not quite clear but it has been attributed to Southern Creole culture; though the art of stuffing multiple birds has been around since the middle ages.

The largest recorded nested bird roast is 17 birds, attributed to a royal feast in France in the 19th century: a bustergophechiduckneaealcockidgeoverwingailusharkolanbler (originally called a Rôti Sans Pareil, or "Roast without equal") - a bustard stuffed with a turkey, a goose, a pheasant, a chicken, a duck, a guinea fowl, a teal, a woodcock, a partridge, a plover, a lapwing, a quail, a thrush, a lark, an Ortolan Bunting and a Garden Warbler. The final bird is small enough that it can be stuffed with a single olive; it also suggests that, unlike modern multi-bird roasts, there was no stuffing or other packing placed in between the birds. This dish probably could not be recreated in the modern era as many of the listed birds are now protected species.
-This was extracted from the wikipedia entry on Turduckin

either way we need to be accepting of TurDuckin. yeah, everyone loves a turkey, but turkeys are just a lil too straight laced for me. i'm a round the way girl, and we all have murky pasts and sure people have misconceptions about us all....but we should embrace the TurDuckin, just like we do our wayward stripper cousin.