Pon Di Replay...Literally

Hey Snobbers,
Here at Critique de Culture we honor trendsetters and trailblazers. For example Whitley Gilbert,

Grace Jones,

And the incomparable.....Billy Dee Williams!!

But what we don't tolerate is swagger jackers, d*ck riders, and wannabes.
So I must take this time to shine a light on Little Miss Barbados 1989 aka Pon di Replay aka Rihananna.

While I fully give RiRi props for "chopping her tresses", (ie: taking out her tracks... u really wasn't fooling anybody anyway),

I must demote her a few notches for being in direct violation of swagger jackin'!!
RiRi is clearly suffering with an acute case of Kid Sister-itis.

No!! not that broad...

Rihanna copped the Assymetrical cut the was made famous and ubiquitous my none other than Kelis. Truth be told, I still birds on the B46 bus with the cut, yapping away on their Sidekicks.

Kelis made it cool for sisters to leave the doobie wraps alone for a minute and think outside the box with their hair do's. We must not forget that Kelis's head was about 5 diff'rent colors when she came on the scene back in the late 90's. Miss Thang didn't need nobodie's permission, nor did she need any cosigners and for this she gets a 3 gun salute...Buk! Buk! Buk! (yes, i'm cultured and all, but lets not forget I'm from Flatbush. BK Stand up! )

Roll the Tape....

Here Kelis rocks the Assym look back in 2006.

Then comes Miss RiRi with it, all late in '08.

Now its 2008, Mama Kelis is over the look and, like Denise Huxtable back in the 80's, she moves on to some fly shit that no one else is doing.
Kelis sporting a cropped Mushroom.

And before you know it there goes little Rudy Huxtable trying to keep up....

Snobbers, consider this my open letter Rihanna.
Rihanna, you pay people good money to make sure you look hot, egdy, punk or whateva it is you claim to be now-a-days. Next time they come to you with a pic of someone from 6 months ago, sayin this is your "new" look....Slap them! Cuz they ain't your friend.
Thank you.
Culture Snobette

PS: Oohhhhh... Now I get why her song was called "Pon Di Replay"

Precisely...Don't Get Slapped!!


Anonymous said...

leave me alone!!!

Anonymous said...

I love you for this post. I've been saying this for months that Rihanna swagger jacked Kelis whole Kelis Was Here look from '06. Kelis is the reason every chick in the industry got short black haircuts.

J2d9 aka Trinigyul said...

I actually see what you're saying. And it may well be true but I LOVE RIRI. Supporting my West Indians to the bitter end! Bajans and Trinis unite x

IamLT said...

Pon De Forehead...

All the Yaki in the world can't hide the fact that that forehead is muy MUY grande!!